Making the decision to divorce is never easy when children are involved. As a result, there are a significant number of couples that choose to stay together, for the sake of the children. While this is a noble act of selflessness, I am always concerned about the example taught to the child when this is the family's situation. Children primarily get their relationship cues from their parents. Are mommy and daddy affectionate? Do they laugh and have fun doing things together, or do they hardly say two words to each other? Are they sleeping in the same bed? Does mommy speak to daddy in a respectful, calm tone or does she always sound annoyed and emasculate him with her words? Does daddy ask mommy's opinion and listen when she speaks? Do mommy and daddy compliment each other? Do mommy and daddy ask each other for help when they need it or just try to take everything on by themself? Do mommy and daddy physically or verbally attack each other in front of the child? Does the family as a whole, do fun things together, or are the children often with only one of the two parents for family activities? Do mommy and daddy argue in front of the children or do they resolve conflict respectfully?
The scenarios are endless. When deciding whether to stay together it's important to first try any and everything possible to make the union work, including couples therapy. After all options have been exhausted, and staying together for the children is the final decision , please consider the messages you will send your children through the things you say or "don't" say and the things you do and "don't" do. You may not realize this but children can feel the tension in the home. They can feel the energy of sadness,anger and frustration; and this alone can impact them emotionally. If you are unable to model a healthy marital environment , consider the possibility of how it will affect your children long-term, when it's time for them to begin their own relationships. Help your child stop the cycle of failed relationships BEFORE they start. Yes divorce sucks, but if divorce will open you up for a more compatible, favorable, happier, healthier relationship with yourself and/or someone else in the future, what a great opportunity for your children to witness and learn from. Divorce hurts. It's painful and by no means easy for those involved. It requires a great deal of strength spiritually, mentally and emotionally in order to get through it, however you "can" get through it as a family, and come out better on the other side. For those of you who believe that you should remain in an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage for the sake of your children, while you cheat on your spouse, sleep in separate rooms, show zero affection, and hardly speak; what are you "really" doing for your children? What are you "really" teaching them? Think about it.