Normalized Dysfunction: The Lies Some Baby Daddies Learned

The epidemic of the absentee father has grown to monumental proportions with detrimental effects; passed down through generations of dysfunction and voids unfulfilled. I don't just speak about the father that is totally absent, but I also speak to the father that chooses to bury himself in work, when he has opportunities to spend time with his child or children. Dear King, how do you sleep at night, content with your complacent contribution to raising and influencing your lineage? Who taught you to believe that children only need their mother, and your only responsibility is providing? Why have you limited your important role, your necessary presence, and your requirement as a man; to teach your son the characteristics of "good" manhood, how not to make the mistakes you've made, and how to love themselves? How can you be satisfied with your daughters not knowing what qualities a good man should have, how men should treat her, and how to love herself, by hearing from you how beautiful and smart she is?

When did it become okay to fall back on the excuse "I have to work" when you have two sufficient incomes coming in, and unused, paid vacation time, with little to no debt? How is a phone call to your child every now and then acceptable? How do you justify not having time, when the mother doesn't have that luxury? What makes you the exception to the actual responsibility of raising your lineage? How did this burden and honor fall squarely on the mother's shoulders, when she works a job just like you do? You go to work. She goes to work, then transports the children to wherever they need to go, goes to the school meetings, cooks the meals, does the household chores, checks the homework, plans the activities and vacations, while you........go to work. Excuse my French but that's some BULLSHIT!!!

There are no off days from parenting. I get it, your father wasn't in your life, and you watched your mother break her back doing everything, just to make sure you had the basics, and somehow, you've made this circumstance, and unhealthy dynamic "normal". This is not normal, nor is it healthy. If no one tells you, I will. Our children need their fathers and their mothers. There is a reason and divine purpose in your role as a father. You cannot continue to hide behind work, and put the sole responsibility on the mother, who works as well. You are killing us (mothers)! Homicide by absenteeism. Maybe you subconsciously or secretly hate your own mother. Perhaps you've forgotten that feeling you had, wishing your father was around more, wishing he'd seen your games, wishing he would've been there to tell you about life, and how to be a man that loves and spends time with his family. Why would you put that same hurt and sadness on your children? All they want and need is you. It's not hard to be present. You make it hard and take for granted that the mother will take up your slack.

It's time to be accountable to the children you created, through more than just your work ethic. It is not okay to be absent; to come and go as you please; to travel, but never take your child on a vacation. I can go on, but instead, I'll leave you with this: You are a King, you are needed, and you have value. Stop the cycle of normalized dysfunction plaguing our families today. Re-claim your presence and influence over your children. If the mother is to blame for keeping your children away from you, take her to court. Fight for your children and your place in their lives. Stop relying on other people to do your job. You don't do it at work, so why do it in your family life? Wake up to what's happening in the world around us. The absent father is a true epidemic that we must do something about, and it can start and stop with you.

Please don't let it be too late to transform and manifest the change your children so desperately need. This message comes from the grave of the mothers that have died from stress, hypertension, cancer, suicide and addiction. The mother of your child shouldn't have to die, before you begin doing the things that you should've been doing all along, when she was alive. This message comes from a place of love, frustration, and hope. Sincerely, a mother.